One Day at a time
by Merlin71
Summary: Tag to the Seer.  What vision did the Seer have about John?


**Title: One Day at a Time**

**Author: Merlin7/clarkangel**

**Disclaimer: Don't own Shep and the others.**

**Rating: PG**

**SPOILERS: For SEER ep**

**Archive: Anywhere**

**Summary: What Vision did the Seer have about John?**

**ONE DAY AT A TIME**

John couldn't sleep.

It drove him nuts when his dreams took over, smothering him in memories and visions and regrets best left behind. For awhile he'd been dreaming about leaving Elizabeth behind with the Replicators, intermixed with dreams of Rodney dying and it being John's fault for touching the damn crystal entity. But tonights dreams were filled with images of Atlantis being destroyed by both the Wraith and the Replicators, without John being able to do a damn thing to stop it. He knew these dreams were curtesy of the vision Davos had given Colonel Carter.

Shoving back the covers, John rolled to his feet. Since he'd only been able to manage one hour of sleep out of four, he figured he might as well give it up for tonight. After a trip to the bathroom he pulled on sweats and a t-shirt, stuffed his feet into sneakers and went for a run.

He pushed himself hard, wanting only to focus on his body and the burn. He pushed so hard that by the time he made it back to his room, two hours later, his legs felt like rubber and he could feel muscle tremors. A long, hot, shower helped a bit, but John was already feeling sore by the time he got dressed and decided to head out for breakfast. If he stood still for too long, he knew that his nightmares would haunt his conscious mind.

Stepping out of his room, he started and was reaching for his gun when he realized Ronon was the hulking shadow off to his right. John relaxed his grip on his gun and nodded at his teammate. "Mornin'"

"Mornin'" Ronon shot back. "Going to breakfast?"

"Yeah." John gestured to the water bottle Ronon had in one hand. "About our run this morning..." he began.

But Ronon cut him off. "I know you went already, so I did a short run and I'll double my workout later. Figure we could eat together like usual."

John was relieved that Ronon was so accepting this morning. Usually he refused to accept any and all excuse John might give for skipping a morning. An actual injury or sickness was doable as an excuse, but nothing else. "I think I overdid it a bit," John confessed, as they headed for the nearest transporter.

"Happens," Ronon rumbled. "Bad dreams?"

"Something like that." John wasn't surprised that Ronon guessed the truth. The big guy was a man of few words, but that didn't mean he didn't pay attention. Besides, if anyone knew about bad dreams, it was the former runner.

They journeyed the rest of the way to the messhall in silence. Which John greatly appreciated, and it was one of the reasons he enjoyed Ronon's company so much. Neither one of them were big on the need to talk about their feelings, or to talk in general.

Since it was still early, there were only about a dozen other people around. They got into line and breezed through it, finding a table in the corner to sit at. The moment they did, Ronon dug into his food. John, on the other hand, looked at his eggs and pushed them away. Suddenly he wasn't the least big hungry. He felt anxious, achy and pain throbbed in his temples in time with his heartbeat. Heaving a quiet sigh he bent his head and rubbed his forehead.

"You look beat," Ronon commented, between mouthfuls of eggs and toast. "You should go back to bed."

"Too much to do today," John replied, which he was actually glad about. Because even just sitting here he was seeing Atlantis being blown to bits in his head. The creepy thing being it hadn't even been his vision, but Carter hadn't been shy with the details. She had given him a full blown, detailed description of the destruction of the city.

Ronon stopped chewing and studied him a moment. "Did you ever talk to the Seer guy? I heard he wanted to chat with you."

John made a face, easing back in his chair and trying to subtly stretch the kinks out of his aching muscles. "What he wanted was to show me a vision of my future," he confessed. "He had Keller and Teyla both hunt me down and I did talk to him, but no way was I letting him touch me."

"Afraid of what you might see?" Ronon sounded amused as he asked.

"Pretty much," John admitted, seeing Ronon's surprise at his honesty. "If you know what the future holds, then you spend all of your time trying to change it without knowing if you're simply making things worse. It's like trying to second guess your second guessing. As it is, Carter is having a hard enough time dealing with what she knows. To the point where it's starting to freak me out as well."

Ronon went back to chewing and there was a long moment of silence before he replied. "That's what's keeping you awake, isn't it? Thinking about the city being destroyed."

John shrugged, not wanting to talk about it in detail and he knew this way Ronon would get the hint. "That and what to do about Todd."

"Todd?" Ronon echoed, looking confused.

"My Wraith buddy." John watched a scowl darken Ronon's face. He knew the Runner hated having the Wraith here, but they had no choice for now. Todd didn't have anywhere else to go since his Hive ship got blown up, and John didn't just want to dump him on some unsuspecting planet. Besides which, he and Rodney were still working on the virus thing. The Replicators needed to be stopped. 

John rubbed his head again as the image of Elizabeth filled his mind. Just one more regret he had to live with. Rodney was feeling the guilt as well, about Elizabeth and the humans that the Replicators were now destroying instead of the Wraith. John just knew how to box up his guilt better.

Ronon set down his fork and pinned John with a glare. "You need to kill the wraith!" he snarled.

"He's helping us," John countered, even though a part of him felt the way Ronon did. He owed Todd his life and he had repaid that debt by imprisoning Todd, but he couldn't help his lack of trust. Everytime John had trusted someone, it bit him on the ass. And given the destruction the Wraith caused, John couldn't give his trust this time. He couldn't risk everyone in Atlantis that way. But it ate at him a bit, because if Todd helped Rodney with the virus, then they could take down the Replicators and John wanted that to happen. He needed that to happen. But keeping Todd a prisoner was a hell of a payback. And trying to deal with all the shit that was going on was giving John the motherlode of all headaches.

Rising to his feet, he grabbed his tray and forced a smile. "I think I'll hit Keller up for some Tylenol then have a talk with Todd. See you later, Ronon."

The Runner nodded. "Yeah. Call me when you talk to the Wraith, I'll be the bad cop."

"When aren't you the bad cop?" John muttered to himself, as he dumped his untouched tray then headed out. He made straight for the infirmary, rather hoping he'd run into a nurse instead of Keller, but no such luck.

"What can I do for you, Colonel?" Keller queried, her eyes roving over him from head to toe.

Which made John fidget a bit, because he knew she was seeing to much, like the shadows under his eyes and the fact that he looked like crap overall. Still, he managed to fake a grin and shrug. "Actually, I just popped in for some Tylenol. I'm fighting off a headache and it's starting to win." He'd learned from experience to tell at least the partial truth. Lies about his well being always seemed to get him into trouble.

Keller narrowed her gaze at him then she gestured to a gurney in the corner. "Hop up and let me take a quick look at you, Colonel."

"I just need some Tylenol," John protested, even as Keller grabbed him by the arm and started hauling him over to the corner.

"And I just need to give you a once over," Keller countered, firmly.

John knew he was beat so he pulled himself up and suffered an exam. The penlight made him wince and when Keller stumbled and gripped his thigh for support, John couldn't swallow a hiss of pain. Which, of course, made her suspicious and she eyeballed him with concern. 

Staring at his thigh, Keller let her hand hover over it while she asked, "Did you injure yourself?"

"No, I just ran for too long this morning." John hoped the truth would save him. "I'm fine, really. Just a bit sore. No big deal."

"You look tired," she replied, glancing at his face again. "Need some help with that?"

John was tempted, but then he shook his head. He didn't like relying on pills, he much preferred toughing things out. Time would make the dreams fade away. Sure they'd be replaced by new ones, but some nightmares were easier to deal with than others. "I'm good. A couple of Tylenol and I'll be out of your hair."

Keller made a face, looking hesitant. A long moment passed before she nodded. "All right, Colonel. I'll give you the Tylenol, but I want you to come back here after supper tonight."

"What for?" Even as he asked, John was pretty sure he wasn't going to like the answer.

"I want to do another quick exam and if I don't see any improvement you're going to be my guest overnight," Keller replied. She had moved to the cabinet against the wall where she pulled out a silver packet. Returning, she handed him the pills.

John took them, resisting the urge to swallow them dry, and tucked them in his pocket. "There's nothing wrong with me!" he ground out, hearing how defensive he sounded.

Not surprisingly, Keller wasn't the least bit phased by his reaction. In truth she was harder to manipulate than Carson had ever been. She stood her ground now with determination glittering in her eyes. "You're exhausted and stressed and a bit dehydrated. An overnight stay will fix all those things in one shot." She raised a hand to still his protest. "We both know you need to be one hundred percent, for Atlantis's sake, Colonel. I can help you with that. At least for the short term."

He appreciated her honesty, even though he railed against the thought of needing her help. She was right about him, but that didn't mean he had to accept it. "Give me a couple of days to straighten up on my own," John countered.

"I don't think so." Keller was steadfast and obviously had no intention of being swayed. "If we catch this now it's just one night, Colonel. If you make things worse you'll be here longer. I know you don't want that."

"No, I don't." John couldn't fault her logic. Sliding off the table, he rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. "Fine, I'll come back, but I doubt I'll be staying."

Keller's response was to squeeze his shoulder then walk away.

John wasn't sure how to take her reaction, but he didn't stick around. He headed off to meet with Carter. They had alot to discuss, because at some point her vision would come true if they didn't find a way to stop it. And it was logical to believe that the Replicators would be behind the destruction of Atlantis in some way. So stopping them was on the top of the to do list.

It was a long, hard day.

Ten hours later, John outright went and hid on the West balcony. He stuffed his radio in his pocket so he could pretend he didn't hear it when Keller radioed him for his check up, which he was totally blowing off. He'd had a crappy day and he really didn't want to end it with an infirmary stay. Which was what would happen if he let her get her hands on him.

He hadn't been able to eat all day, he was hyped up on caffeine and his headache was back with a vengeance. Keller wouldn't have to do anything but take one look at him before she'd be reaching for an IV line. John really didn't want to go there, he just wanted to be alone and figure out some way to shut his brain off. Right this very moment he was so damn tired he wanted nothing more than to curl up in a ball and go to sleep, only he knew that he was too burned out to actually fall asleep without dreaming, which made trying to sleep an exercise in futility.

So he leaned against the rail, sipping at yet another cup of bad coffee, and willed his tension to fade away. Sadly, it still wasn't working when Carter appeared at his side.

"Keller is looking for you," was what she offered in greeting.

"Yeah...I know." John took another sip of coffee.

Carter studied the night sky for a long time before turning to look at John. "I want you to report to her for an overnight stay, John. Sometimes all the shit in the universe catches up to us and we have to give in to the inevitable."

John finished his coffee before asking, "And what is the inevitable?"

"That we all need help sometimes." Carter's tone was matter of fact as she locked eyes with him. He looked away first. "It's been a hell of a few months here."

"Yeah," John drawled, because there really wasn't much else to say.

Carter looked back at the sky. "Davos had a vision of you and he asked me to relay it to you," she announced. "I've been waiting for the right time to do so."

John was so surprised by her words that it took him a moment to collect himself and manage a lethargic shrug. "You know what...I really don't want to know."

"Fair enough," Carter allowed. "I won't force you to hear it."

"Thanks." John was grateful and not a little bit surprised that she had acceded to his wishes so readily.

Carter nodded. "I am going to tell you what he said about you though, and you can take it as you will."

He should have known it wouldn't be that easy. "Lay it on me." The sooner she said it, the sooner he could file it away and forget it.

"He said to tell you to believe in yourself, John." Carter spoke softly and without looking at him. "Because you're the hope for the future of the human race."

"Pressure much?" John shot back, because the words were echoing in his head and making his headache worse.

Carter faced him again, reaching out to lay a hand on his arm. "We all have a destiny, John. I believe Davos. I believe you will save the human race. But I don't think you have to do it alone. Remember that, okay? You have alot of friends, John. And I bet they're scattered over both galaxies."

He didn't argue that fact, because it wasn't worth the time. Instead he stared down into his empty mug, wondering what the hell Davos meant by trusting himself. To do what? And how the hell was he supposed to save the human race? Hell, he hadn't been able to save Sumner, or Ford or Elizabeth or so many countless others. Dax and Mitch and the list went on and on. If he couldn't save the individuals, how the hell could he save the whole damn human race?

"John?"

He jumped at the sound of his name, opening eyes he hadn't realized he'd shut tight, and staring at Carter's worried face. "What?" he snapped, only to immediately apologize. "Sorry, you startled me."

She nodded. "Do what Davos said, John, and believe in yourself. The rest will work itself out."

"Right," he drawled. "Saving the human race in two galaxies should be a piece of cake." He turned away, meaning to head for the door, but he stumbled and fell to his knees, feeling the world tilt around him. He was so damn tired.

He heard Carter calling for a medteam and he opened his mouth to tell her it wasn't neccessary, when the world faded to black.

OoO

John woke up to an IV, a beeping monitor and Ronon and Rodney arguing over a game of Rummy. Teyla was sitting beside him, reading a book, but she jumped up to offer him a glass of water.

"How are you feeling, John?" she asked softly.

"I'm good," he replied, seeing Ronon and Rodney both look up from their cards to stare at him. He smiled and they nodded before going back to the game and the argument. "How long have I been here?" he asked Teyla. Because he could feel the catheter and that was never a good sign.

Teyla patted his shoulder, apparently understanding exactly what she was asking and why. "A day and a half, but Dr. Keller says that you will be fine. You needed the rest. Go back to sleep, John. We will be here when you wake up."

He nodded, letting his eyes slip closed. Because he suddenly got the message Carter had been trying to send him. That he wasn't alone.

As he drifted back to sleep, the image of Elizabeth's smiling face dancing in his head, John knew that he and his team would find a way to save the human race.

One day at a time.

**THE END**


End file.
